would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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