How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
