I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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