Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
