you're like a bully in the Christmas story
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
