he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Semen is not good for contacts.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
