I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she smelled like a LAN party
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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