i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
