Whod you bang
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
