I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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