Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
