rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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