Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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