I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
