JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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