The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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