Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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