Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
