whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
