No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize