You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
