Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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