theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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