arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I touched a dick in church today
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
