He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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