I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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