clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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