After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
