I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
