i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
