He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
