I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize