I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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