watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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