then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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