Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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