So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
