We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize