YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
