the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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