I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
