i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize