things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
