Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize