I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
