I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Randomize
