This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
