does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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