I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
