before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
