If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
