wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize