When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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