New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
drinking out of a sandbucket again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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