Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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