i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
