This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
