Define "chronic" masturbator.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
