1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
