I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize