There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
