This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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