all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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