Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
