Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Sober January is a disaster.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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