I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
